Blast from the Past

I found out recently that a friend I had gone to highschool with passed away in a motorcycle accident. I hadn't spoken to him in about 3 years, and when I found out about what happened, I couldn't even remember who it was. It took about 2 days to actually click, but after it did I started to remember everything about this individual. Everything from his interesting character to the Concord he drove in high school. They say it was a freak accident, which makes the whole situation worse. At times like this you can only think about the families, and what they must be going through.

This incident also made me think about so many other things. Most importantly... the friends we loose touch with. All the fiends from junior high, high school, or wherever. You share so many good times with people, and when you move away, everything gets lost in an instant. (Unless you make a concious effort.) But in my case, I'm guilty. I have lost so many friends because I havn't bothered to try and contact them. Is it because I'm lazy, or just the fact that you can't keep all your friends?

Another friend who I hadn't spoken to in about 4 years (for various reasons), added me to MSN a couple nights ago. When I saw his nickname (which is also his last name) I knew exactly who it was. As soon as I saw his message, I started to get flashbacks of growing up with this guy. I couldn't even remeber how long I had known him, or how we met...just the fact that we got along really well. He started a conversation... "What have you been up to man?...How's life? ....Where are you living?" were just a few of his enormous list of questions. I tried my best to keep up with him, but he was jsut to quick. It was 4am, but the conversation made me forget that I had a long day ahead of me. "I rented 3 scary movies with my girlfriend yesterday, and all I could think about was your 'horror-movie-sleepover-parties' you had in grade 4, 5, and 6!" he said to me. I was taken back, and didn't know what to say. "Those were the greatest times," I responded. The conversation went on, but all i could think about was those parties.

Things are so innocent when we're young... Our lives revolve around our friends and family, and nothing else in the world matters. But honestly, should our "grown-up" lives be any different? Do we have to put our material responsibilities above the ones that make us laugh?... Above the ones that love us? I look up to the ones that know this isn't true...

-Zak

19 Union

Tuesday afternoon...
I'm sitting within the walls of Bain (the computer lab I've called home for the past few years.)
I don't know why, but I feel at home here. No matter what time of day, or how stressed I am, there will always be someone here that I can relate to. Right now, its a bunch of people freaking out over their fourth year project... "Fuck I can't believe this is due next Wednesday, we're so far behind!" I don't know why, but deep inside, it makes me laugh. You know you're sick of school when the most serious matters make you laugh. Which brings me to my next point. School is really starting to suck. One part of me says its because of the mentally draining 8 courses I took last semester, and another part says its because I'm only taking 3 this time around, which leaves me with absolutely no motivation. Whatever it is, right now I jsut want to be on a beach in the middle of Jamaica, with time to just think...that's exactly what I need to do...think! I want to ponder about what has happened to me over the past 4 years, how I've changed from my experiences... Have I changed for the better? Where do I want to be in 10 years? How can I use what I've learned, and what do I still have to learn? Some of you might say I'm really stupid, and I can do that anywhere, but seriosly, I need distance. There are so many things going on in my life that I can not share with this blog... things that I will share with the world one day ... but not now.

same bat time, same bat channel...
peace out,
-Zak
03/21/06

A followup..

So it wasn't that bad at all. I am actually feeling amazing right now. Thanks to so many awesome friends, this day is actually going to be very memorable. And to answer the question of why I wasn't excited to get this ring.... the magnitude of emotions that were locked up inside me were beyond my understanding... just waiting for the right moment to come out.

Now things must get a little more serious. I've really been slacking off academically. I think there are only 2 or 3 weeks left in classes, and I have a lot more work to do. Everything has just gone by so quickly. So many parties, so many good times with the people that care about me and the ones that probably could care less... Either way, It's been fun.

Peace out for now.... its too late at night

The beginning of the end......or the end of the beginning?

Here I am...21 years old, and writing my first ever post to a blog. Why now? Why with 1 month until the end of my last year at Queen's University? Well, the answer is......Inspired by a friend who is a constant blogger, I read one of his posts and felt like it was about time to let the world know how I see things thorugh my eyes.

I am a forth year computer engineering student who is graduating with honors...but jobless. The last four years have been filled with so many obstacles, but equally as many good times, friends, and achievments.

When we leave high school with "good" marks, scholorships, and all that great stuff that parents' dreams are made of... they tell us that everything is going to be ok... that the institutionalized world of university which we are entering will bring us so much opportunity and happiness... and the truth is... it can. But the problem is, everyone's definition of happiness varies so much, that we all say it so blindly.... I guess what I'm trying to get at is... am I happy?

Tomorrow marks a very special event in my life...or at least its supposed to. It's my Iron Ring Ceremony. The Ceremony that defines your four years (or more) of hard work towards the beloved engineering undergred degree. The ring is hyped from the moment we walk through the walls of this institution, and never fails to be the topic of interest in many engineering ethics classes. They tell you it is the symbol of everything you've been through. The symbol that shows you are an ethical engineer, who will always pride yourself in your work. Why then, am I not that excited? The ring that would make me bow down in its presence 4 years ago, is now just another accessary in my mind. Is it because I don't want to accept the fact that I am done here...that my real life begins now. Or is it because I have just stopped caring? Or simply put, has it just not hit me yet?... I guess I'll find out tomorrow at 3:30.

respect for reading,
-Zak
03/18/06