Friday, April 14, 2006

The next phase

Four years and four bedrooms later I have officially graduated from Queen's University.
After moving out of 193 Collingwood St. today, I was motivated to write a blog as I saw my memories being packed into carboard boxes. One year at a time, a short summary follows:

In my first year, I lived in Victoria hall (aka the party res). Coming into Queen's, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. And I'm not going to lie, school was the last thing on my mind that year. I got caught in a life of partying, sleeping in, and ridiculous amounts of procrastination. I don't know if it was the crazy engineering mentality, or just the fact that I wasn't used to so much freedom...but nevertheless, I barely got through...scraping by with 50s and 60s, but a hell of a lot of 'party knowledge.'

My second year was a lot like a transition phase. I was still stuck in a lot of my old ways but definately put a little more effort into school. I met a lot of new people, but there were some that had a greater influence on me than others. Those individuals know exactly who they are... and for everything they've ever done, I would seriously like to thank them. School started to get more interesting, as it became more specific to my interests. And who could forget, I had an afro.

On entering my third year, I had a completely different mentality about school. I knew I was capable doing well, while still having a great time. With the help of some newly acquired freinds and a lot of time in Bain Computer Lab, i was able to pull out of the year on the dean's list with an unexpectadly high ranking in my class. Funny how much things could actually change.

In my final year at Queen's University, I had decided to go all out. Along with taking 8 classes im my first semester, I had also decided to work a part time job and convince myslef that i would still have time to party. Little did I know, I would be spending many all-nighters in Bain, while using worn out single coaches for beds. For anyone that plans to ever go through a semester with this much to do, make sure you know what you're getting yourslef into.
The best part of all this hard work, was that it paid off for my final semester at Queen's. Because I had taken so many classes first semester, I was left with an increadably slack second. Only 3 classes plus a project opened the doors for 3 nights of partying a week... and because of all this, the semseter flew by... and I don't regret one second of it. Sure, I spent a LOT of money, and lost a couple marks here and there, but I got to enjoy myslef the way I had wanted to for so many years. ...withouht a worry in the world. Friends became closer, and memories that much more priceless. This semester had definately put an exclamtion mark at the end of this 4 year sentance.

Now seriously, the point of this post was not to list what has happened to me over the past few years and brag about it... but to actually talk about where it has got me to and where I plan to go. Everything that I have stated is not sugar coated at all, but there are many things about my time at Queen's which I hanv't mentioned...times at which I had felt so low that I never expected to regain myself.... But the way I see it is that without those moments, I would never have been able to enjoy myslef as much as i did when everything was going well.

Everything being i am. Sitting in my bed at home in Mississauga, at 5:17 AM, thinking about what I am doing with my life. It sounds so wierd to say it:
"I have a University degree."
"I am done with school."
"My 'real' life begins now."
just to mention some of the overplayed thouhgts in my head.

The truth is, I don't really know where I am going... but I am not completely hopeless. My problem is that there are many things that I want to do with my life but don't know exactly in what order, or how I should go about doing them. One thing is for sure, my life is not getting any more simple now that I have a degree...if anything it has become that much more complicated.

I have more to say, but its late and I'm tired.
I will start fresh another day,


Monday, March 27, 2006

Blast from the Past

I found out recently that a friend I had gone to highschool with passed away in a motorcycle accident. I hadn't spoken to him in about 3 years, and when I found out about what happened, I couldn't even remember who it was. It took about 2 days to actually click, but after it did I started to remember everything about this individual. Everything from his interesting character to the Concord he drove in high school. They say it was a freak accident, which makes the whole situation worse. At times like this you can only think about the families, and what they must be going through.

This incident also made me think about so many other things. Most importantly... the friends we loose touch with. All the fiends from junior high, high school, or wherever. You share so many good times with people, and when you move away, everything gets lost in an instant. (Unless you make a concious effort.) But in my case, I'm guilty. I have lost so many friends because I havn't bothered to try and contact them. Is it because I'm lazy, or just the fact that you can't keep all your friends?

Another friend who I hadn't spoken to in about 4 years (for various reasons), added me to MSN a couple nights ago. When I saw his nickname (which is also his last name) I knew exactly who it was. As soon as I saw his message, I started to get flashbacks of growing up with this guy. I couldn't even remeber how long I had known him, or how we met...just the fact that we got along really well. He started a conversation... "What have you been up to man?...How's life? ....Where are you living?" were just a few of his enormous list of questions. I tried my best to keep up with him, but he was jsut to quick. It was 4am, but the conversation made me forget that I had a long day ahead of me. "I rented 3 scary movies with my girlfriend yesterday, and all I could think about was your 'horror-movie-sleepover-parties' you had in grade 4, 5, and 6!" he said to me. I was taken back, and didn't know what to say. "Those were the greatest times," I responded. The conversation went on, but all i could think about was those parties.

Things are so innocent when we're young... Our lives revolve around our friends and family, and nothing else in the world matters. But honestly, should our "grown-up" lives be any different? Do we have to put our material responsibilities above the ones that make us laugh?... Above the ones that love us? I look up to the ones that know this isn't true...


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

19 Union

Tuesday afternoon...
I'm sitting within the walls of Bain (the computer lab I've called home for the past few years.)
I don't know why, but I feel at home here. No matter what time of day, or how stressed I am, there will always be someone here that I can relate to. Right now, its a bunch of people freaking out over their fourth year project... "Fuck I can't believe this is due next Wednesday, we're so far behind!" I don't know why, but deep inside, it makes me laugh. You know you're sick of school when the most serious matters make you laugh. Which brings me to my next point. School is really starting to suck. One part of me says its because of the mentally draining 8 courses I took last semester, and another part says its because I'm only taking 3 this time around, which leaves me with absolutely no motivation. Whatever it is, right now I jsut want to be on a beach in the middle of Jamaica, with time to just think...that's exactly what I need to do...think! I want to ponder about what has happened to me over the past 4 years, how I've changed from my experiences... Have I changed for the better? Where do I want to be in 10 years? How can I use what I've learned, and what do I still have to learn? Some of you might say I'm really stupid, and I can do that anywhere, but seriosly, I need distance. There are so many things going on in my life that I can not share with this blog... things that I will share with the world one day ... but not now.

same bat time, same bat channel...
peace out,

Monday, March 20, 2006

A followup..

So it wasn't that bad at all. I am actually feeling amazing right now. Thanks to so many awesome friends, this day is actually going to be very memorable. And to answer the question of why I wasn't excited to get this ring.... the magnitude of emotions that were locked up inside me were beyond my understanding... just waiting for the right moment to come out.

Now things must get a little more serious. I've really been slacking off academically. I think there are only 2 or 3 weeks left in classes, and I have a lot more work to do. Everything has just gone by so quickly. So many parties, so many good times with the people that care about me and the ones that probably could care less... Either way, It's been fun.

Peace out for now.... its too late at night

Saturday, March 18, 2006

The beginning of the end......or the end of the beginning?

Here I am...21 years old, and writing my first ever post to a blog. Why now? Why with 1 month until the end of my last year at Queen's University? Well, the answer is......Inspired by a friend who is a constant blogger, I read one of his posts and felt like it was about time to let the world know how I see things thorugh my eyes.

I am a forth year computer engineering student who is graduating with honors...but jobless. The last four years have been filled with so many obstacles, but equally as many good times, friends, and achievments.

When we leave high school with "good" marks, scholorships, and all that great stuff that parents' dreams are made of... they tell us that everything is going to be ok... that the institutionalized world of university which we are entering will bring us so much opportunity and happiness... and the truth is... it can. But the problem is, everyone's definition of happiness varies so much, that we all say it so blindly.... I guess what I'm trying to get at is... am I happy?

Tomorrow marks a very special event in my life...or at least its supposed to. It's my Iron Ring Ceremony. The Ceremony that defines your four years (or more) of hard work towards the beloved engineering undergred degree. The ring is hyped from the moment we walk through the walls of this institution, and never fails to be the topic of interest in many engineering ethics classes. They tell you it is the symbol of everything you've been through. The symbol that shows you are an ethical engineer, who will always pride yourself in your work. Why then, am I not that excited? The ring that would make me bow down in its presence 4 years ago, is now just another accessary in my mind. Is it because I don't want to accept the fact that I am done here...that my real life begins now. Or is it because I have just stopped caring? Or simply put, has it just not hit me yet?... I guess I'll find out tomorrow at 3:30.

respect for reading,